Finding Everett Ruess

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I first heard about Everett Ruess on NPR, where the author David Roberts was interviewed about his book, Finding Everett Ruess. I thought, “Hey, that sounds fascinating!” but since I was driving I didn’t remember the details and upon getting home, didn’t look it up. However, the name stuck with me, and so did the story of the 20-year-old that went missing in the desert Southwest wilderness in 1934.

The first half of the book is a reconstruction of Ruess’ life based on his letters, diaries, and other primary materials, while the 2nd half covers all the search efforts and speculations about his fate.

This is a well researched, and dare I say, “balanced” book, where the author acknowledged Everett’s legacy without shying away from his “faults and foibles.” However, the title is contradictory, since after many theories, false leads, and even a sensational “discovery”, Ruess (or what happened to him) was never “found.” His missing remains an “unsolved” mystery till this day.

Since I took a road trip to the desert Southwest in 2010 and loved every minute of it, I was particularly interested in this book. I have been to, driven through, or at least remembered many of the locations mentioned in the book, such as Monument Valley, Tuba City, Keyenta, etc. I felt as if Everett were a kindred spirit due to our mutual admiration for the striking landscape, the vermillion sandstone buttes and spires, and the open desert horizon. Of course, he took that spirit to a whole new level, while I was just some tourist.

Roberts aptly called Ruess “a precocious artist, a writer of promise, a romantic visionary verging on the mystical, a bold and resourceful solo explorer of the wilderness, and in some sense the first true celebrator of the beauty of the Southwest for its own sake.” Ruess’ blockprints are indeed excellent (esp. given that they were made when he was between 16 and 20). I personally find his writing, while lyrical, at times pompous, grandiose, and melodramatic, but again, amazing for a teenager (I have seen worse writing from college seniors). Some of his most memorable euphoric lines include “Once more I am roaring drunk with the lust of life and adventure and unbearable beauty” and “I am overwhelmed by the appalling strangeness and intricacy of the curiously tangled knot of life.”

Despite the accolades, Roberts didn’t pull any punches when it came to Everett’s flaws. He described how Everett’s parents unfailingly financially sponsored his vagabondage during the Great Depression when they were struggling to make ends meet, how Everett took their generosity for granted due to his “streak of self-indulgence fueled by a sense of entitlement.”

Like most of the “wilderness explorers” we have read about, Ruess was a loner that craved companionship and “true deep friendship.” He once wrote “I don’t have much trouble getting along with people, but I have the greatest difficulty in finding the sort of companionship I want.” Hmmm… I wonder why. Maybe he was too willful and selfish, and true companionship is not all about you, but about what you can bring to the relationship? In his correspondence with family and his practically only friend, Bill Jacobs, he often assumed the moral high ground, with full on distain for their lives, openly “contemptuous of his unambitious pals”. No wonder Bill turned him down or let him down over and over again, because people don’t want to travel or be with someone who doesn’t respect them.

In fact, this is the problem with all the “wilderness explorers” I’ve read about so far, whether it’s McCandless (Into the Wild), Morgensten (The Last Season), or Ruess. They all regarded their lifestyle as superior to that of the common masses. They all wanted their partner to be just like them and to adopt their lifestyle. Did they want to contribute something to the relationship that was outside their comfort zone? Were they willing to make sacrifices, compromises, or accommodation for the other person? NO. They were all selfish human beings with a God complex that made poor partners.

Roberts made a fair assessment of his character, “One of the least attractive aspects of Everett’s five-year swagger across California and the Southwest is the way that, surrounded by the detritus of the Depression, he managed for the most part to ignore the hopelessness and poverty he saw at every hand. And when he did not ignore it, he sometimes railed against the stricken men and women whose paths he crossed as if their blighted dreams and everyday misery were their own fault, the natural outcome of failed imagination and sedentary torpor. All this, while Christopher and Stella [his parents] were subsidizing his endless ramble.” Touche! I must say I found his arrogance downright repelling.

In the book Ruess was compared to John Muir. I think this is an overstatement. Maybe Ruess peaked too early; if he had started the journey when he was a bit more mature, he might have reached the height of Muir. However, the whole time I was reading this book, my only impression was that 1) Ruess worshipped beauty for beauty’s sake with a blind idealistic fervor, and 2) he is a taker not a giver. Ruess took everything in sight: he took the lives of rattlesnakes, he robbed the Native American sites, he ignored the sacredness of the Navajo hogans… He took the beauty of the Southwest and turned it into art for his own gain (selling his art), but he never bothered to give back to the land. Had it ever occurred to him that there was more to just appreciating the beauty? Did he put in any preservation effort like Muir did? No. He loved to wander, pure and simple. I don’t fault him for that, since he was so young; I just think that comparing him to Muir is an insult to the latter.

To conclude: recommended for people that love the “wilderness adventure” genre.

The Piano Shop on the Left Bank

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As an adult beginner discovering (instead of “rediscovering” like the author did) the joy (and frustration) of learning to read music and play the piano, I am particularly fascinated with “piano memoirs — grownup edition” (instead of chronicles of child prodigies, which only discourage me). I was fairly unimpressed by Piano Lessons by Noah Adams, but The Piano Shop on the Left Bank captivated me from the first page. What a charming little gem!

The book starts almost like an adventure, with the author being intrigued by a mysterious piano shop and its equally enigmatic owner in his Paris neighborhood. As the story unfolds, it becomes a “romance”, as he slowly got to know Luc the owner and his business, and embarked on the quest to find his dream piano. He was first an outsider, but after he was finally accepted into Luc’s inner circle, he described in great detail the “French Way” of socialization, obviously enamored by the French culture of intricate social connections, sophistication, intellect, and subtlety. Thrown in the mix are memories of his early piano student years (a mix of happiness and horror) and taking lessons again in the present days as an adult after he finally purchased a piano from Luc. A large part of the book is also history, about piano, tuners, etc.. What’s really remarkable is that the story itself is actually rather prosaic (there are thousands or more piano sales every day in the world), but the author wrote in such an elegant and fluid style that it almost seems to have come from another era. If it were to be made into a movie, I would picture it in a warm sepia tone, like a nostalgic old movie, a romantic French movie.

The biggest glaring flaw is the author’s unfortunate habit of peppering the book with a lot of French words, phrases, and sentences, and often without translation, as if he assumed that:

  • having French on the pages (often arbitrarily, as Luc would be quoted in English in one paragraph and then uttering French in another) made the story look more authentic and sophisticated, and…
  • his readers understood French so translation were unnecessary. Typical Francophile arrogance/pretentiousness– I see it happen quite a bit with writers using French, while people that incorporate foreign languages other than French almost always provide translation.

Furthermore, I can’t get a clear feel of the author’s personality. He doesn’t seem to have his own voice; he comes off just a gentle shadow, hovering on the edge of French conversations, listening with a starstruck reverence and humble naïveté. At times, it sounds almost like he is more infatuated with pianos as “objects”, rather than the act of “playing the piano”, although either way is completely fine.

** Recommended, but only to those that are interested in music or piano, or, well, France/Paris.

Staycation Goals — mostly accomplished!

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I’ve been an exercise fiend the past few days (ever since I made the early New Year’s Resolutions)!

  • Today: 20 minute treadmill (3.5 walk with 5 incline), followed by a Zumba class.
  • Yesterday: 30 minute treadmill (5-5.5mph run for 20 minutes and 3.5mph walk + 5 incline for 10 mins), followed by a “Heavy Metal” class, followed by a yoga class.
  • The day before: 40 minutes of treadmill (interval training, 20 min run + 20 min incline walk), followed by a kickboxing class (it was so intense I wanted to leave after the first 15 minutes, but somehow persevered).

Since this is the week before the new year, lots of people are prob. vacationing in Hawaii so the classes are uncharacteristically uncrowded. I expect it’s going to be insane once people are back in town, armed with their new resolutions, and the extra pounds from all the holiday merriment.

I love all the classes I’ve taken so far, but my favorite is Zumba (also the most popular class in the gym), followed closely by “Heavy Metal” (cardio-based strength training with kettlebells). I hate upper body exercises — I just don’t feel motivated to use the machines in the gym. “Heavy Metal” really works my arm and core muscles, and in a fun way. My body is sore all over, in a good way!

A new epiphany about eating healthy: out of sight – out of mind, and out of hands – out of stomach. Two nights ago I came home all pumped up from the workout, and ate a very light dinner. Unfortunately, I also stayed up late so around 11:30pm my defense crumbled like a sand castle. I ate a whole packet of salty crackers, which I hadn’t touched or thought about all day! Lessons learned:

  • don’t buy any snacks that you think you can resist, because you will surrender at the worst time (midnight),
  • if you are tempted, do something that involves the use of your hands (playing the piano, cleaning the kitchen, typing on the computer… anything to keep your fingers off the snacks,
  • go to bed early — midnight oil requires oil (fuel)!

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My staycation is almost over! *sobs*

Anyway, I’ve been rather prolific (in terms of blogging) and productive (in terms of getting things done). I am pretty happy and stress-free. I’ve accomplished most of my staycation goals:

  • Got over the cold, YES!!!
  • Mastered one piano piece (okay, falling short on that).
  • Finished reading a few books.
  • Checked a few long overdue things off my to-do list.

The most shocking revelation today, is that I am was absolutely ignorant when it comes to personal finance! It just occurred to me that what I thought was 403(b) was actually a pension plan that uses TIAA-CREF. The whole “optional” and “voluntary” and “employer matching” totally got me confused. Turns out, my employer only matches (a small amount) the pension plan, and 403(b) is something we have to initiate on our own with no employer matching. Seriously?

Oh, and there is more… I logged in my account for the first time in… 2 or 3 years (maybe longer), and realized that my fund allocation was so conservative that it looked as if it belonged to someone nearing retirement (why did I even invest in Money Market?!). So I adjusted it to “moderately aggressive”, and did a ton of research (not the sophisticated charting and graphing, just reading up on concepts) on 403(b) and Roth IRA.

I am pretty sure I will set up a Roth IRA, just not sure with which company (Fidelity vs. Vanguard), although I don’t know if I have enough left to contribute to 403(b). One thing is for sure: savings account in a bank is the worst idea in the long run, and I have been doing that for as long as I can remember. Should I get a financial advisor to “plan for my retirement” (target retirement date, blah blah blah)? I always thought retirement was sooooooo far away, but I guess I am finally mentally ready to take that step. Yikes!!!

Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard

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Image from Author Website

This is an excellent (and timely, considering all the NY resolutions) book! If you want to save time, you can just read the first and  last chapters, as those in the middle are just examples (case studies) to illustrate their points. Or, you can read my notes below (all quoted or synthesized from the book) — not a cliff-note, but better!

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The Three Surprising Truths about Change and What You Can Do about Them:

  • Direct the Rider (our analytical side): What looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity. Provide crystal-clear direction (instead of telling people to “eat healthy”, give them clear directions like “buy 1% milk instead of whole milk.” Don’t think big picture, think in terms of specific behaviors. Change is easier when you know where you’re going and why it’s worth it.
  • Motivate the Elephant (our emotional side): What looks like laziness is often exhaustion. Will power is exhaustible so it’s critical to engage people’s emotional side in addition to their analytical side. For example, “show, don’t just tell. Cultivate a sense of identity and instill the growth mindset.
  • Shape the Path: What looks like a people problem is often a situational problem. For example, use smaller plates for portion control. Break down the change into small attainable steps until it no longer spooks the Elephant.

People pay closer attention to the bad stuff, reflect on it more, remember it longer, and weigh it more heavily in assessing the person overall.

This negative focus is not confined to emotions. Across the board, we seem wired to focus on the negative. We call it the “negative positive asymmetry

We need to switch from archaeological problem solving to bright-spot evangelizing.

As we face more and more options, “we become overloaded. Choice no longer liberates, it debilitates. It might even be said to tyrannize.”

Decision paralysis can be deadly for change-because the most familiar path is always the status quo.

People are sensitive to social norms — power of social pressure.

People often succeeded by formulating solutions that were strikingly smaller than the problems they were intended to solve.

SMART goals-goals that are Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Relevant, and Timely.

First, follow the bright spots. You’re sure to find some things that are working better than others. Don’t obsess about the failures. Instead, investigate and clone the successes.

Highly successful change efforts, people find ways to help others see the problems or solutions in ways that influence emotions, not just thought.

The sequence of change is not ANALYZE THINK-CHANGE, but rather SEE-FEEL-CHANGE.

Positive illusions make it hard for us to orient ourselves-to get a clear picture of where we are and how we’re doing.

The positive emotion of interest broadens what we want to investigate. When we’re interested, we want to get involved, to learn new things, to tackle new experiences. We become more open to new ideas.

People find it more motivating to be partly finished with a longer journey than to be at the starting gate of a shorter one. Make the change small enough that they can’t help but score a victory.

People who have a fixed mindset believe that their abilities are basically static.

With a fixed mindset, you believe that you may get a little bit better or worse at those skills, but basically your abilities reflect the way you’re wired. Your behavior, then, is a good representation of your natural ability,

If you are someone with a fixed mindset, you tend to avoid challenges, because if you fail, you fear that others will see your failure as an indication of your true ability and see you as a loser. People feel threatened by negative feedback, because it seems as if the critics are saying they’re better than you, positioning themselves at a level of natural ability higher than yours. You try not to be seen exerting too much effort.

People who have a growth mindset believe that abilities are like muscles-they can be built up with practice.

A growth mindset compliment praises effort rather than natural skill

“Everything is hard before it is easy”

“Nobody laughs at babies and says how dumb they are because they can’t talk.”

The growth mindset, then, is a buffer against defeatism. It reframes failure as a natural part of the change process. And that’s critical, because people will persevere only if they perceive falling down as learning rather than as foiling.

Our inspiration to change ourselves comes from our desire to live up to those identities.

People have a systematic tendency to ignore the situational forces that shape other people’s behavior.

Fundamental Attribution Error.” The error lies in our inclination to attribute people’s behavior to the way they are rather than to the situation they are in.

Action triggers (visualizing when and where you are going to do something important) simply have to be specific enough and visible enough to interrupt people’s normal stream of consciousness.

The value of action triggers resides in the fact that we are preloading a decision.

What action triggers do is create an “instant habit.” Habits are behavioral autopilot, and that’s exactly what action triggers are setting up.

“Free spaces” -small-scale meetings where reformers can gather and ready themselves for collective action without being observed by members of the dominant group.

Cultivate good habits and reinforce them. Reinforcement is the secret to getting past the first step of your long journey.

Most of us are terrible reinforcers. We are quicker to grouse than to praise. At work, we love to bond with our colleagues through communal complaining. (this is called “verbal grooming.”) But this is all wrong: We need to be looking for bright spots-however tiny and rewarding them.

Learning to spot and celebrate approximations  (rewarding each tiny step toward the destination) requires us to scan the environment constantly, looking for little rays of sunshine, and it isn’t easy.

Exposure effict, which means that the more you’re exposed to something, the more you like it.

Cognitive dissonance works in your favor. People don’t like to act in one way and think in another. So once a small step has been taken, and people have begun to act in a new way, it will be increasingly difficult for them to dislike the way they’re acting. Similarly, as people begin to act differently, they’ll start to think of themselves differently, and as their identity evolves, it will reinforce the new way of doing things.

The people who change have clear direction, ample motivation, and a supportive environment.

Comcrap, Part II

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Have I said “Comcast sucks!” before? Yes, I believe so (the whole billing mess when I moved, if I remember correctly). Then I promptly deleted it coz I didn’t want the rant about this stupid company to pollute my blog space. I will prob. delete this too at some point, but I need to get this off my chest, now.

For the months of Sept to Nov, my “broadband” had been behaving badly: dropped connection and frequently slowing down to crawling speed (1.2mpbs download speed — awesome!). It was a miracle that I waited so long to call for tech support. I called customer disservice. The person told me that the tech visit would be free if it was Comcast’s problem (equipment, lines, etc.). Okay, so far so good. The tech came over, determined that the previous tech left a “reduce speed clip” on the cable (whatever that means, sneaky previous tech!), and that my rented modem was failing. He swapped in a new one. End of story, right? Imagine my surprise when I saw the whopping $32 of “service charge” in my bill!

When I called Comcrap this morning, the lady nonchalantly declared that: 1) Comcrap is NOT responsible for the failed modem (“Comcast is only responsible for the cables outside”), and 2) in order to get the $32 waived, I had to sign up for the $2.99/m “customer protection plan”. What a load of @#$%! First of all, I RENTED the modem by paying $7/m precisely because I didn’t want to deal with modem problems, and because when I signed up, the customer disservice informed me that Comcrap will replace the modem if anything goes wrong, FREE OF CHARGE, if I rent their modem instead of having my own. In other words, I am already paying $7 for “protection.” Secondly,  forcing me to sign up for “customer protection plan” in order to get rid of a charge that should not have existed in the first place — what kind of extortion is that?! Sure it’s not a lot of money, but it’s a matter of principle. I demanded to talk to her manager because “I don’t think it’s fair.” She reluctantly put me on hold, then came back and said that she would “waive the fee as a one-time courtesy” (yeah, right, more like “I want to get you off my back and then go all voodoo on you”).

Three things I learned from all the unpleasantness with Comcrap:

  • Monopoly is like dictatorship — it’s a blight on human civilization. We finally have Quest in the area and I am going to go for them after my current subscription is up — it might be just as bad but at least now I have a choice in my area.
  • Comcrap is looking more and more like a Mafia.
  • You have to play hardball with these people — if the disservice people refuse to help you with your reasonable requests, insist on talking to their manager. It doesn’t pay to be nice, unfortunately.

2012 Resolutions — Starting Today!

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Well, 2011 SUCKS big time, so it follows that 2012 is going to ROCK (no, not that kind of rock)! I just know it! I drafted a long post a couple weeks ago reflecting on/examining my “midnight blue” — instead of “skyblue” — 2011, and upon reviewing, realized that I was whining about the same old stuff that I’d been lamenting about for years: low/zero self-esteem, guilt & resentment (in that order), feeling of unworthiness… You get the picture. I am just tired of it. I don’t need soul-searching; I already know my problem(s). Since I can’t change my past 30+ years, I can only change in the next year, and the year after that, and so on. As LOA states, the more you focus on the negative stuff, even if it’s “I don’t want that…”, the more you are likely to 1) wallow in it, 2) use it as an excuse for your unhappiness so you don’t have to be personally accountable for your situation, and 3) attract exactly the kind of yucky stuff that you don’t want.

So, without further ado, here is a list of my resolutions (you don’t think I only have one, right?), based on the S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely) Goal-setting Principles:

BE HEALTHY:

  • Goal: Lose 25 pounds by next June. (* I shaved off 10 pounds from my original goal to make it more attainable)
  • To do:
    • Exercise at least an hour a day, at least 5 days a week. Exercise can be gym stuff (treadmill, group class, etc.), swimming, Yoga, hiking, or even just gentle walking. Just get your butt off the couch!
    • Learn to make interesting and delicious vegetarian dishes so I won’t binge due to the boredom factor.
    • Bring home-made lunch to work instead of eating out.
    • Go to bed before 11pm; disconnect (from the Internet) half an hour before bedtime.

CULTIVATE A JOYFUL, ABUNDANT MINDSET:

  • Goal: reduce (I am realistic enough to recognize that there is no way I can completely “eliminate”) negativity from my mind.
  • To do:
    • Anger management (you are NOT a slave to your thoughts, and patience is truly a virtue).
    • Meditate, even for just 5 minutes, daily (no excuse!).
    • Immerse myself in emotionally nourishing stuff (no more depressing movies, grim books, dark music, etc. — as an adult working full-time, I have limited free time so I need to be selective about stuff I want to spend my precious time on).
    • Surround myself with upbeat, optimistic, and cheerful people (no more gossiping and bitchin’ at or about work — it only makes me even more bitter).
    • Cultivate a sense of gratitude for the stuff that I have, instead of fretting over the lack.
    • Deal with the low self-esteem issue ** this is a biggie and prob. should have its own category, but for now, I am going to address smaller, more “attainable” (let alone “measurable”) issues as a start.

BECOME FULLY COMMITTED TO PIANO STUDY:

  • Goal: attain “intermediate” level playing, can sight read proficiently, develop a repertoire of at least 5 pieces (on average, less than 1 piece every two months — totally attainable) (* I cut down the number from the original 10 to make it more attainable)
  • To do:
    • Practice every day for at least 30 minutes except for special occasions (sick, travel, etc.)
    • Learn music theory, techniques, and ear training, in addition to developing repertoire.
    • Participate actively in the Piano World ABF to stay motivated.

BECOME FULLY COMMITTED TO WORK:

  • Goal: since I am stuck with this job for a while, I might as well learn to fully embrace it, with a cheerful attitude. Remember that in the long run, you are working for yourself, not your employer.
  • To do:
    • Network with faculty at my liaison departments (shyness is NOT an excuse!): attend their meetings, have informal chats with the friendly ones, curriculum mapping. JUST SHOW UP.
    • Be less of a perfectionist: don’t spend countless hours perfecting something when most people won’t notice the difference — good enough is good enough. Be strategic about your time.
    • Be more ASSERTIVE: speak up at meetings and participate in committees (incl. those in professional organizations), be collegial to all coworkers (including those you dislike — find the bright spots).
    • Get PUBLISHED (2 academic articles this year).

HAVE A LIFE:

  • Goal: have a healthy social life
  • To do:
    • Be nicer to my friends: I pushed away all my friends this year because of my depression; I will do my best to mend these broken friendships.
    • Accept who you are and stop comparing yourself to others: you have a lot to offer — BELIEVE IT!
    • Cultivate new friendships. Join an interest group, get out there, SHOW UP.
    • Start dating again. I want to get married (there, I said it, it’s out), and not because I want to appease my parents, or because my best friend (who declared in all seriousness year after year that we would travel and grow old together if we didn’t find someone) “abandoned” me by getting married and is now expecting a baby, but because I am tired of being alone. Marriage is out of my control, but I need to get out there and date, because I ain’t gonna meet anyone if I stay home all day watching The X-Files for the umpteenth time.

Those are the big ones I can think of at this moment. I will continue modifying the list.

I already started today — why wait? I went to the gym (after a full month of hiatus due to the cold, which is still not completely over), did yoga, will meditate before bed tonight, practiced piano, posted on PWABF, didn’t lose my temper when I found out about yet another Comcast shenanigan, didn’t get all worked up when Mom sounded very irritated with me on the phone (I can’t change her; I can only change myself and how I react to things. I empathized with her without dragging myself down the bottomless hole of guilt. I forgive her and myself for the way things are. I hope things will improve next year.). Not bad for a first day!

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo / Midnight in Paris

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Image from IMDB

I didn’t know what to expect when I bought the ticket to the new movie The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, since I’d read the books and watched the Swedish version. In all honesty, I was drawn to it because of Daniel Craig (how can this man look so darn dashing in practically everything?). However, it rewards me with much more than eye candy. This is one of the best thrillers I have watched in a while! It’s taut, grim, stylish, suspenseful (even if you already know the story), visually stunning, socially provocative, and the two main characters are absolutely magnetic. The opening is also worth mentioning — it’s like the punk/goth version of 007! The movie is so good it makes me want to read the brilliant Millennium Trilogy all over again. I hope David Fincher & Co. will do the other two installments.

Image from IMDB

I “rented” Midnight in Paris from iTunes (I gave up on Netflix streaming — the selection of newer releases is abysmal) because I read good reviews on it when it was aired in the theater, and also because I am a Woody Allen fan (in addition to the classics, his recent works Match Point, Vicki Cristina Barcelona, and Whatever Works are all excellent). However, I was sorely disappointed. I don’t know if it’s the color of the film (and I mean the “film” — the overall “golden” tone with exaggerated bright colors is terribly annoying), the cast (Owen Wilson is a funny comedy actor, but he is just too slick to play the unfulfilled bookish aspiring novelist), or the story itself (I love fantasy, but the whole “saved by magic and lived in Paris happily ever after” is such a cop-out). Every character is a caricature/stereotype. This movie is like a tourism video gone bad (Vicki Cristina Barcelona is also like a tourism promotion for Spain, but at least it has a thought-provoking story) — the only saving grace is the quickly glossed-over message that people always romanticize the “good old days” instead of valuing the present.

The Last Season

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Image from GoodReads.com

I am a sucker for the “outdoor adventure genre” — so far I’ve read Into Thin Air (excellent), Into the Wild (wonderful),  Touching the Void (too technical for me), and The Call of the Wild/White Fang (amazing), and have 127 Hours on my Kindle (even though I already watched the movie). I have a deep appreciation and reverence for Nature; the few brave (or stupid, depending on your view) souls that dare to venture deep into it fascinate me (although I am not one of those people).

It’s then no surprise that The Last Season, recommended to me via Good Reads (the Netflix for books!), caught my attention, and I devoured it in two days. This is an excellent piece of work, on par with Jon Krakauer’s two “Into’s”. Interestingly, Into the Wild and The Last Season even look alike (I guess the publisher for The Last Season is targeting the readers of Wild): both covers feature a photograph of the outdoors followed by some words from the book, chapters in both books start with quotes from various personalities, both stories are engrossing page turners, and Krakauer and Blehm even write in a similar style (both books are meticulously researched with rich details, both authors use language that is straightforward yet engaging, and both regard their subjects with compassion).

Looks similar? (Image from GoodReads.com)

The Last Season is about the disappearance of and subsequent Search and Rescue operation for Randy Morgenson, a backcountry ranger that had worked 28 seasons for the National Park Service, mostly in the Sequoia & Kings Canyon National Park in California. The incident itself is at best an investigative piece in a newspaper or magazine. What’s amazing, however, is that the author, Eric Blehm, weaves that perfectly with other aspects of his life: childhood, parents, friends, marriage and affair, adventures, work at the NPS, his writings and thoughts, and events that happened after his disappearance, and a “biography/mystery” is born (his body wasn’t found until five years later and even today, there is no absolute certainty why or how he died).

What’s truly great about this book, is how Randy is presented, and how you can’t but be captivated by him and his stories, and can’t stop reading until the end. Randy was a complicated man. He was a hero to many park visitors, a role model for many rangers, an excellent employee to supervisors that appreciated his dedication, a headache to NPS (the bureaucracy that didn’t recognize his contribution or heed his suggestions), a passionate protector of the backcountry, a devoted son to his parents, a reliable friend, a romantic lover, and a lousy husband. He was both an idealistic dreamer and a cynical misanthrope. He was both selfless and self-absorbed, good with people and yet an ultimate loner, a philosopher and a hypocrite. Throughout his life he suffered from his inability to “reconcile his life in the mountains with ordinary life outside that world”, and therefore hurting his wife. Blehm obviously has great sympathy for his wife, as he stated,

She understood that his most heated love affair hadn’t been with some “other woman”, or even with her — it was with the High Sierra. In a sense, when she finally decided to make the separation permanent, the divorce papers had been walking papers. She had simply set him free.

In Randy’s personal turmoils, the only true victim was Judi, his wife (and not because I am biased, being a woman). The truth is, even when he was an attentive husband and romantic lover at the beginning of their marriage, it was BECAUSE OF the mountains. Throughout their relationship, he didn’t make any compromises — Judi had to “hike in” to meet him, Judi had to be more adventurous in order to “impress” him, Judi was expected to give up everything to live the backcountry lifestyle that he desired (and she was wise to refuse), and Judi helped take care of his mother when she was dying, while Randy didn’t even ask when her mother passed away. He was a charismatic man, and yet, a gigantic failure as a life partner because of his selfishness and his single-minded fixation with the backcountry.

Despite the apparent similarities between Season and Wild, the two characters couldn’t be more different: Randy came from an intact and almost perfect family, he was a seasoned backcountry ranger, he died of an accident (although this is still debatable) instead of stupidity. Was Randy a tragic hero, or just a tragedy, like McCandless? A little bit of both. He was… human, albeit maladjusted. I wish he had dealt with his emotional issues earlier, and apparently, escaping into the mountains didn’t actually heal him.

My emotions were all over the place as I was reading this book: I was intrigued by his early life, impressed by his achievements, admired his love for the mountains and his vision for the backcountry, enjoyed his writing (no matter how “vague” it is), respected him for being an exemplary ranger, happy about his courtship with Judi, angry at his betrayal, sad about his death, sorry that the initial search party missed his body by 0.25 mile (!!!), and relieved that he finally got the recognition that he deserved (like such things in life, it always comes too late). Blehm brought out the whole person, the flawed but real person. Underneath it all, however, I cared about him, flaws and all, and wondered about his fate. Making the readers care about the character — that is the true proof of a book’s success.

Verdict: highly recommended.

Juliet, Naked

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Image from Publisher's Website

Nick Hornby has finally returned to form! High Fidelity and About a Boy are still the epitomes of his brilliance, but I am very pleased to have read and enjoyed Juliet, Naked, esp. after being thoroughly unimpressed by his more mediocre efforts, namely, How to Be Good and A Long Way Down.

Juliet, Naked can be regarded as the third installment of the trilogy I would glibly call “Chronicles of A Man Child” (the first two being High Fidelity and About a Boy), even though they feature different males in these three books, and Juliet has not one, but three protagonists, one of them a woman.

In this book, the “pudgy 40-something” Duncan, is just like Rob, only a decade older. He is this aimless small town academic that is obsessed with Tucker Crowe, a 50-ish obscure rock singer that has been a non-producing recluse for 20 years. Duncan prides himself on his encyclopedic knowledge of Tucker Crowe, and his critical taste in music. Thrown in the mix is Annie, a 39-year-old woman, who has a loveless, passionless, and uneventful live-in relationship with Duncan for the past 15 years. She mostly tolerates Duncan’s obsession, until she takes a listen to “Juliet, Naked” (a recently released crude and unfinished collection of songs previously on Juliet, Tucker’s master piece 20 years ago, now known as, in the “inner circles” of his fans, “Juliet, Dressed“), gets exasperated by the pretentiousness in Duncan’s fawning review, and writes her own review that expresses exactly the opposite opinion. The review is later posted on the fan website that Duncan maintains.

This divergence of opinions and tastes set things in motion. Duncan cheats on Annie and gets kicked out, Annie accepts the betrayal without much grief because she is already restless and unhappy, increasingly lonely in the relationship, and secretly lamenting her wasting the past 15 years being stuck to Duncan. An email from Tucker sparks a correspondence between Annie and Tucker, and eventually, a meeting between the three of them results in them reexamining their lives and making changes, or not.

Duncan is your typical Hornby’s man-child: music elitist, obsessed with obscurity for obscurity’s sake, just kind of drifting without goals or ambition. He is even more pathetic than Rob and Will because he is a middle-aged bloke with zero self-awareness. Tucker, on the other hand, is the jaded has-been that is worn out and buried in mounting regrets, about his career (or the lack of) and his family life (four ex-wives and five mostly estranged children). His emailing Annie starts out as an innocent gesture of appreciation that someone sane finally gets it, but then develops into a connection that he may or may not be able to sustain. Annie, the woman that feels trapped in a small town, a boring job, and a dead-end relationship, is acutely lonely and the email flirtation gives her hope, even though she isn’t actually expecting anything concrete.

When the three finally meet, things quickly fall apart, but not in a disastrous way. They face each other and reveal fully who they really are. Tucker is just a regular guy, tired, aging, a wretched husband and somewhat lousy father. Annie is the uncool middle-aged woman that immediately assumes the role of a nagging (but caring) wife because that’s how she shows she cares. Duncan, ever the arrogant cultural snob, becomes an awkward babbling fool.

The ending is realistic, tentatively optimistic without being sappy, with a tinge of sadness. Do people really change? Will they make the effort to change? The reality is that sometimes they don’t. Most of us just carry on, in the only trajectory we know how. Once in a while, some of us take a brave step for a different track, and that is something to be celebrated.

Juliet, Naked is Hornby’s musing on life, love, relationship, parenting, art, and fans on the Internet, but mostly, about change, regret, and the predicament of ordinary people’s lives. Hornby’s the trademark bleak humor, smart metaphors, and incisive characterization are all there. The book is just as quotable as the other. Hornby’s established his own genre: engaging stories that humorously examine relationships and the human (mostly, men’s) psyche. He is perceptive, but compassionate. His characters are (sometimes deeply) flawed, but always real and likeable.

P.S. I highly recommend the audio version of this book! Unlike the monotonous “verbaling” that plagues many audiobooks, Juliet‘s audiobook is “acted” by three people. Their reading is animated, infectious, and true to the characters (great British accent and dead on with character mannerism and personality). I feel as if I were listening to a play.

P.P.S. If this is to be made into a movie, I think Simon Pegg will be great as Duncan, while Catherine Tate will make an excellent Annie. I can’t, however, immediately identify an actor for Tucker. Hmmm…

Sage

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The scent is heavenly

I have never been a very spiritual person, even though many elements of “spirituality” appeals to me (mind-body connection, Law of Attraction, homeopathy, etc.). I am not at all interested in dancing around a bonfire,  dressed in loose hippie robes, chanting magical words, and waving a bunch of sage to drive away the evil spirits. However, my lack of enlightenment didn’t stop me from reaching for the “sage smudge stick” while shopping at Whole Foods tonight. I was bored, and not particularly hungry, so I took my time wandering in the “natural paraphernalia” section (that is, candles, incenses, little eye pillows stuffed with lavender, and all kinds of cutesy “organic” “handmade” arts and crafts). They looked beautiful on the shelves, if nothing else.

For some reason, I got attracted to the little packet of sage smudge stick (I didn’t even know its name before, although I must have seen it a thousand times in various health foods stores). My Ex used it once in his house, but at that time I thought he was just trying to get rid of the burned smell in the kitchen.

A reminder to self: be healthy!

After getting home, I couldn’t wait to give it a try. The stick lighted up immediately. I let it burn a couple seconds, then stabbed it against the sink to put out the flame. Several swirling threads of smoke came out and filled the kitchen with a heavenly scent. It’s pungent, but not provocative; fragrant, but not nauseating. It smells clean, healing, and expansive, evoking images of forests and mountains. I took a few deep breaths. Wow, even though I don’t really believe the “warding off bad spirits” thing, I did feel great breathing in the aroma (which in a senses, is similar to calling “bad energy be gone!”)! I put it in a decorative ceramic bowl, walked around the apartment and used a magazine to fan the smoke around. I didn’t “wave” the stick because I didn’t want to trigger the smoke detector; fanning it dilutes the smoke.

I am addicted! I want my apartment to smell like sage all the time (although smoke is still a health hazard). I guess the takeaway lesson is: don’t knock something before you try it yourself. Who knows, maybe one day I will dance around a bonfire in a hippie dress, in the middle of the woods under a full moon (okay, maybe not, but never say never)!

Busy…

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I’ve been busy, with work (I am SO looking forward to the 2-week staycation the end of this month), piano (okay, not really, but I have this romanticized fantasy of me devoting myself to learning the piano that’s more gratifying than the real thing), reading, and… getting sick. Yup, suffering from a severe and prolonged cold has been my annual ritual for 3 consecutive years now (to put a positive spin to it, I call it “my immune system booster”).

"Cough! Cough!!" (CC Image by akahodag)

While in the past I managed to nib a couple colds in the bud, I reluctantly succumbed to it this time. I have tried everything: OTC Robitussin (ineffective), Mucinex (useless), Umcka (not working), Emergen-C/Airborne (too late), folk remedies (ginger tea, Daikon Radish soup, lemon honey water, you name it, all failed to deliver)… Ugh! My shoulders hurt from all the coughing. I have been waking up a couple times a night to cough up a storm, and mornings are esp. painful. Yuck! Anyway, I finally couldn’t take it anymore and went to urgent care. It’s ridiculous that we have to see a doctor (when I already know that it’s nothing but a terrible cold — and the doc confirmed it), when all I needed was just prescription for a strong cough suppressant (Codeine, baby!). Where are all the in-house nurse practitioners that we keep hearing about — nurses that work in the pharmacy that can prescribe common drugs? Not at Walgreens, not Rite Aid, not Fred Meyer, not anywhere in this town.

On a lighter note, a big accomplishment this year:

Top Goals for the staycation:

  • Get over this damn cold. Really.
  • Master the three piano pieces: none particularly difficult if I really put in the hours
    • Vandall Prelude #7 in B Minor (very “Moonlight Sonata”)
    • Vandall Prelude #4 in F Major (relaxing and dreamy)
    • Bach Minuet in G Minor (pretty melody)
  • Read at least 2 books (ever since I got my Kindle, I have become a book collector — ironic since I don’t collect paper books)
  • Get my personal finance in order: I have zero retirement planning (except for the account set up by the employer, and I rarely ever look at my asset allocation or earnings on that account). I need to get an Roth IRA or something. Maybe I should consult a financial planner. Or do some self-education.
  • Start writing that article I have been thinking about for the past 6 months. ** Only if I am bored — I need a break from WORK!
  • Start working on myself: emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually. This is a multilayer multilevel task for another post (or posts).

Random funny bit

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I was checking out Fandango for info on the latest Twilight installment, and wandered upon the section called Common Sense Media Review. Basically it evaluates a movie with various criteria such as “messages”, “violence”, “language”, etc. I don’t know why, but the following cracked me up, esp. the “entire Cullen household is outfitted with Apple computers.” It begs the question: if Edward weren’t a Cullen (but instead, were homeless and destitute), would Bella have fallen in love with him? What if the Cullens used Dell? That sure would have knocked a few points off!

The Magsafe Story

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So the 3-year-old Magsafe power adapter of my 1st gen Aluminum uni-body Macbook has been on the verge of total disintegration. To be precise, it was the head, or, the part between the plug connecting to the laptop and the rest of the cord. I have had laptops since 2000, new and used ones, of new brands, but never had something like this happened (usually I dumped a laptop because of something wrong with the computer itself, NOT with the accessories). It’s a crappy crappy product, and it’s amazing Apple doesn’t care to have a better design, being a “design company” and all (Evidence #2 that Apple is a Cult, #1 being that Steve Jobs — RIP — was/is like Jesus to the nerds, geeks, artists, trendsetters, wannabes, and even people that don’t know how to use those gadgets,  everywhere.) Thanks to the brave souls that initiated the class action suit (you guys are heroes), Apple finally offered a replacement program to exchange the fraying Magsafe adapter with a “new” (I used the quotation marks for a reason) one.

Great news, right? Well, sort of, until you hear what you have to do: make an appointment with the Genius Bar and bring in your laptop and Magsafe.

I had a sinking feeling this was not going to be easy, but I was willing to make the trip if I didn’t have to shell out $80 for a new adapter ($80 adapter, seriously?!). Arriving at the Apple Store, I immediately realized that my gut feeling was confirmed. The place was a zoo. No, it was more like a boiling pot. I don’t think any store in the entire mall is busier than an Apple retail store (Evidence #3 that Apple is a Cult: there is always this frenetic vibe in an Apple store, so crowded it’s probably a fire hazard, and people have that dreamy intoxicated ecstatic look in their eyes). I arrived 15 minutes early (my fault), checked in, and waited patiently. In front of me were six “Geniuses” chatting with various customers with their iPhones, iPads, laptops, or for one gentleman, a big screen iMac. People were milling around, a customer was angry and vowed to complain to “corporate”, and a kid cried passionately, loudly, for whatever reason.

And the ridiculous thing is, all I needed was someone to take one look at my laptop and adapter, and issue a replacement. Case closed. A monkey can do it. Nope, I had to go to the “Genius Bar”, where all six “Geniuses” were engaged, and everybody else actually had a legitimate “technical” question that needed some brain power. And definitely more than 15 minutes (Apple’s default appointment interval). In fact, standing there, I could see that at least half of the appts lasted more than 45 minutes. And do you know why? Because I waited almost half an hour AFTER my appt time. Seriously? My DOCTORS are not usually half an hour late! Evidence #4 that Apple is a Cult: to the followers, Apple can do no wrong; people are willing to put up with anything — they may  grumble but they will follow like zombies anyway.

Finally, one of the “Geniuses” was free to see me (oh, Lord, I thank Thee!), and it took less than 2 minutes. He punched in the serial number of my computer, I signed on his iPad, he gave me the “new” adapter, took my old one, swapped out the removable part (yup, you are not getting a “new” one — just partially new), and I was on my way. Wow, my doctor’s appt lasts longer.

The whole experience left a bitter taste in my mouth. I love my Apple products, but I have never bought into this whole cult thing. For something as simple as an exchange with a straightforward result (it’s not like they have to “diagnose” and propose a treatment for the fraying cord), do we really need to wait in line (with appt nonetheless), for half an hour or more? There were plenty of other employees (presumably, non-geniuses) that were just walking around with nothing to do, and they could have taken care of my problem. It seems that Apple is deliberately making this experience as complicated, time-consuming, and frustrating, as possible, to deter customers. It seems that all Apple cares is sell, sell, sell, and nothing about quality, and customer satisfaction/service, because it knows it’s had us.

Apple, you can do better. C’mon, customer service is not just about fixing problems, but also prioritizing things and saving customers’ time. It’s that simple, so why make it so damn hard?!

P.S., I avoid Apple retail stores like the plague, now I just hope that I don’t need further service from them (and I hope I am not jinxing myself for declaring that).

Random Stuff

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I just finished watching, or rather, skipping through, Tree of Life. OMG, what a piece of pretentious, pointless, New Age/religious pseudo-intellectual piece of crap! Artistic? It’s just a bunch of random images and a very depressing story. Spiritual? Yes, best promotional film for a cult. It’s so unbelievably terrible I don’t know where to begin. I have relatively high tolerance for boring/psedo-intellectual films, but this is beyond my limit. I am glad that I didn’t watch it in the theater — it’d have been a complete waste of time and money.

My piano teacher obviously overestimated my proficiency. He told me that I can start with Piano Literature Vol 3. What?! I only know 4 scales (C, F, G, their relative minors, and D)! I flipped through the book (I bought 1-4) and while some of the songs, given hours of practice, I can definitely manage, others look quite intimidating (e.g., Fur Elise, in its original form, is in Vol. 3). I took a look at Vol. 1, and to my pleasant surprise, did find most of the songs on the easy side (well, I guess I am finally an “early intermediate”) However, I am definitely not ready for Vol. 3. Anyway, I am glad that I am finally playing original songs instead of watered-down versions in the textbooks.

I finally “got” Pachelbel Canon (not in D, but in the lame C), but I still can’t play it without ANY mistake (there is always “something”). I want to play it as fluently as those kids on Youtube. Sigh…

It’s been gloomy and cold and wet here every single day. I guess winter has arrived early? The ground is slick with rain and wet rotting leaves. Perfect weather for reading and playing the piano.

Work has been stressful as usual. I realized that I have been ultra stressed out this entire year. There are multiple reasons but work is a main factor. I really need to do meditation or something because this stress is not good for my health.

Got my lipid panel results the other day. According to the nurse, my results are “fantastic!” Everything is normal and on the low end (although my “good Cholesterol level”, albeit normal, could have been higher because the higher the better). A year of eating junk food hasn’t damaged my Cholesterol level, thank goodness. But it’s time to get back to healthy living.

The Pain of Piano

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Or rather, the pain of learning the piano as a musically untalented adult.

I spent hours and hours playing the water-downed piece, Pachelbel Canon (Arranged), for the past two days. Basically, this is the last song of the Adult Piano Adventures Book 2 — my “graduation piece” so to speak. At first glance, it isn’t difficult at all. No sharps or flats (my worst enemy), no syncopation or other tricky beats, just plain 4/4. Granted, this is the longest song of the book (4 pages!), but according to the teacher, has just variations of the same basic chords. However, for the life of me, I can’t quite wrap my ahead around this “broken chord” arrangement. I am pretty familiar with the chords in their root positions (e.g., C-E-G and its two other primary chords, when only three left-hand fingers are involved), but when they are broken up and scattered around both clefs, I am just flummoxed.

It’s a beautiful piece, but for the life of me, I just can’t play it straight with no hesitations or errors. I get tripped up here and there, over and over again, sometimes at the same spots, sometimes some place completely unexpected. I turned to Youtube and saw 5-year-old kids (a box under their feet when playing the grant piano) playing the same song without the sheet music, and so smoothly it was as natural as breathing. I felt a mix of mild envy and intense frustration; envious because I never got the chance to learn a musical instrument when I was a child, and frustrated because I am just not smart enough to become moderately good as an adult learner (if there was anything I was ever sure about, it was my intelligence, now, I just feel so stupid and pathetic).

Several times I wanted to quit. I cursed, and kicked something, and burst into tears. Whom am I kidding? And then I calmed down and tried again.

Is it supposed to be so painful? If not, why am I not giving up? For those rare and fleeting moments of joy when I have mastered a song? I have no answer for that. Maybe I am just glutton for self-torture.

Rollin’ On

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“Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.”

I saw the above on the tag of a tea bag — it’s like Fortune Teabag (instead of Fortune Cookie). I don’t aspire to “spread the light” and “be the light” (I have nothing but tons of self-awareness), but I can try my best to “travel light” and “live light.” Yesterday was a roller-coaster ride that started rough but ended relatively well. This aphorism is probably a message from the Universe reminding me that I should shed some of the heaviness of heart and soul.

I was in a foul mood early morning. I didn’t sleep well. In fact, I haven’t been sleeping well for the past weeks. I stayed up late every night, had multiple dreams full of angst and high drama (even though I have no recollection of the plot), and then woke up tired and dreading the day. I had to work on Saturday so Sunday was my time to catch up with chores. Got a letter from the insurance company with incorrect billing, which quickly annoyed me because it meant making phone calls Monday. Then I had to do some major paper work (a gazillion copies to make and forms to fill in) for some personal matter, and I discovered a mistake which meant I had to go to the same office, for the 4th time within the last 4 months (2 of the trips were due to their clerical error)! This “major paperwork” is probably one of the most important things I have to do in my life so far; it’s something I’ve waited for for the past 9 years (and I am not convinced that it really deserves 9 of my prime years, even though I don’t know any other way). And yet, I won’t get the result for at least another six months. It’s aggravating.

Sorry to be vague, but it’s too hard to explain. Let’s just say that the sleep deprivation, the incompetence I had to deal with, the stress of work, and this “personal matter” of enormous importance, were weighing me down like some screwed-up gravity. I just lost it. I stared at the form that I was planning to work on, and tears just tumbled out of my eyes. I felt so utterly alone in this world. I wanted to kick something, curse at someone, just do something totally out of character.

I didn’t. Ever the rational one. I pushed away the stacks of paper, changed, and headed for the gym. I swam for an hour, came home for a quick shower to get rid of the chlorine, changed and hit the gym, again. This time it was Zumba class. I went there for the first time on Friday, and was utterly thrilled. I am not a dancer. In fact, all these Latin-inspired moves, head-bobbing, shoulder-shaking, chest-pumping, and bootie-shaking, are just “so not my thing.” Or so I thought. I was too shy, too uncoordinated, or too tight-assed, to even dance, let alone “shake it like a Polaroid picture.” And yet, I love it. Even though my moves were ridiculously stiff, even though I was about a beat behind most people in the class and moved the wrong arms or legs, I enjoyed every minute of it. The swim soothed me (the healing power of water can’t be understood until you try it yourself), and Zumba lifted my spirits.

By late afternoon, I felt significantly better. No more tears or emotional outburst (or repression, for that matter). Just calmer and more patient.

Then I went grocery shopping and bought the tea. I saw the sentence on the tea bag that seems to have been written for me.

I told myself that it shall pass, that all shall pass.

And in the meanwhile, get your body moving!

FB, Kindle, being single

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Almost two weeks ago I closed my Facebook account, and almost at the same time I bought a Kindle.

I dumped FB not because I was concerned about privacy (since I rarely posted), nor because it annoyed me so much I couldn’t take it anymore. On the contrary, it was a constant source of entertainment, and oftentimes, useful information from my “friends” (mostly my coworkers). And that’s the problem. I found myself using the FB app on my iPhone dozens of times a day. It’s like whenever I had a moment of “down time”, my index finger reached for the icon as if on autopilot. It’s become a reflex as natural as yawning. Many a time I could have used the moment to do something productive (reading a book, playing the piano, cleaning, whatever) or just relaxing (taking a nap, do Yoga, meditate), and yet, I obsessively refreshed the screen for “news.” Then there were the times when I spent hours jumping from a friend’s page to his/her friends’ walls or photo albums (and I didn’t even know those people!). Let’s just say that it’s not only a huge time suck, it’s downright creepy (even though everybody does it, whether they admit it or not)!

So I made a decision. I closed the account (although it won’t be permanently deleted till this Wed). I feel so much better these days. In stead of watching someone else’s life stream, I actually AM living my OWN life doing REAL stuff. Sure, my finger itched for that empty space on the screen where the iPhone app used to reside, but after 24 hours of withdrawal, I am no longer an addict.

By getting a Kindle, I guess I am (prematurely) joining the “40+, still read books” crowd (“Kindle owners between the ages of 40 and 69 an incredible 58.6%.” — what can I say, I’ve always had an old soul!) Anyway, I got the 3G version, merely a few days before Amazon released the Kindle Touch. I wasn’t expecting a Touch version, based on the TechCrunch article (don’t believe everything a blog said! The author was very certain there wouldn’t be new e-ink products. Wrong!). Technically I could still return the Kindle Keyboard, but I am not going to because Amazon doesn’t offer unlimited global 3G on the new Touch. Hmmm… I think unlimited free global 3G was the only point that anyone would buy the 3G?! I have enough wifi in my daily life; I bought the 3G precisely for traveling purposes! Duh!

Ironically, since getting the Kindle, I actually haven’t used it extensively. There are many reasons:

  • work has been crazy busy so I just don’t have much time for leisure reading,
  • I still need to finish a stack of print books from the public library,
  • even with Kindle Lending available, most books I want are either not available in Kindle format or have a wait list of 50+ (I guess there are lots of ebook lovers in my area!). Library2Go also limits digital holds to only 6 (the “physical” hold is 15), which is terribly restrictive for digital items, which ironically, have no physical circulation limitations.

Oh well…

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The Plight of American Singles is right on! The lack of “officially permitted” support system (egregious!) aside, we singles pay more taxes and higher prices for everything else! Every gym I’ve ever been to provides significant discount to “families”, whether it’s a couple or a family of 8! Ugh, a person is a person, okay?!! In this day and age when it’s not “right” to discriminate against a group of people based on their ethnicity, country of origin, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, physical attributes, or any other number of things, singles are the only remaining marginalized group that one can openly ignore without a guilty conscience.

Mt. Rainier / Kindle / Fruit Loop

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I have a feeling that if I don’t write about my Mt. Rainier trip now, I never will. It was FANTASTIC!!! The weather was amazing — the whole week was warm, dry, and sunny every single day. I totally lucked out, since both the week before and the one after were cold and wet. Because we have a very late summer, areas on higher altitudes were still awash with wildflowers even this time of the year. Lucky #1!

Paradise:

This is a very popular area so the parking lots are usually full before 11am. By shelling out big $$ to stay at the Paradise Inn, I could have slept in and started the day late. But how could I?! Early hours of the day (I started my Skyline Loop hike around 8:20am) are the best: the light is good (not too bright and harsh) for photography, the trail is quiet and uncrowded, and all the critters are out and about! Roughly 100 feet into the hike, I already saw THREE marmots (and that’s only the beginning of my marmot mania — more encounters the rest of the trip and I spent more time filming these portly fellas with silky fur than taking long exposure shots of waterfalls). Last time I was here I saw ONE the entire trip. Lucky # 2! These big fat rodents are cute as hell, and you have to see them to know what I mean.

Marmot!

Skyline Loop is arguably one of the most dazzling trails in this part of the country (or this country, period!). It has everything I adore: forests, creeks, wildflowers, wildlife, waterfalls, grand glacier vista… It’s astonishingly gorgeous and multifaceted for a somewhat short (5.5 miles) trail. Even though I took like a million photos (a usually 3-hour hike took me over 6 hours with all the photo stops), none of them fully conveys its true beauty.

Wildflowers Blooming

Sunrise:

Eight years ago, I hated it. This time, I was pleasantly surprised. I couldn’t get enough of the wild, rough, and desolate landscape. Heck, I even enjoyed the rocky trail to Frozen Lake that I detested last time. The Silver Forest Trail was practically a slim opening in a sea of wildflowers, and is completely underrated (I saw 2 other groups of people the entire time?!). The Mt. Fremont Fire Lookout Trail was a treat. I saw mountain goats for the first time. A big group of them! They were far away but hey, better than nothing.

Silver Forest Trail

Mt. Fremont Trail (outer space-esque, eh?)

I was rewarded with my first ever sighting of Mountain Goats!

I wish I had more time to hike the 8-mile Summerland Trail. Next time for sure.

Note to self #1: don’t go to Mt. Rainier the week after Labor Day. They actually started several road construction projects that week. I understand the rationale: the peak season is over by then, but it’s still dry and warm enough to work outside. However, the inconvenience (I had to take a multi-hour round trip detour to go from Paradise to Sunrise) was a bit irritating.

Note to self #2: bring a hiking pole even if you think you don’t need it. I felt a bit silly bringing a pole on the Skyline Loop, since last time I finished it wearing sneakers and without any aid. However, I was so glad I got it, when I was confronted with not one, not two, not three… but over a DOZEN snow fields. Seriously, they are having a very late summer, and I suspect these snow patches will never melt before new snow starts falling again. Some of the snow fields were downright treacherous (steep uphill or downhill, or extremely narrow, with the cliff right next to you). Even WITH the pole, I managed to fall on my behind twice on a particularly slippery downhill patch.

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I bought a Kindle! Yup, I took the plunge. Have been thinking about it for a while. Once a thought takes seed in my head, it just won’t rest. After obsessively searching online for rumors on the upcoming Kindle 4, and reading the “news” that it would be an LCD tablet (iPad Killer? Ha!), I decided that it’s not worth waiting another year for the “color e-ink Kindle” that may or may not be available. I am happy with B&W e-ink, thank you very much.

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Last weekend my friend LH and I checked out the “Pear Festival” on the “Fruit Loop” at Hood River. The “festival” is just an excuse to lure you to drive 1.5 hours to the farms to buy fresh-off-the-trees pears (and they are darn good!). Many of the orchards are next to flower farms (dahlia, lavender, etc.) too, where people can u-pick flowers for $5 a basket. It’s a beautiful drive, and I would totally do it again, maybe at different times of the year. One of the farms also has a pre-Halloween “Pumpkin Funland”, a bunch of figures made of pumpkins (as heads) and rags/socks/mittens. Creepy and fun!

Pears & Pears

Pumpkin People!

Flowers Everywhere

Mt. Rainier redux

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My first ever post on this blog, in its many incarnations over the years, chronicled my trip to Seattle and vicinity in July 2003. Wow, has it been that long?! The trip changed me. It was on that trip that I traveled solo for the first time, rented a car for the first time, drove on a real freeway with real city traffic (instead of occasional tractors) for the first time, and most significantly, HIKED (for real) for the first time. It was an amazing experience (and I mean, AMAZING). I met the most wonderful strangers, saw the most beautiful scenery, had the best time of my life so far (it’s sad that nothing has topped that trip for the past 8 years, but it’s true). I vowed, after getting back to the Midwest, that I just must move out West, and I did a year later.

Not that I wish history to repeat itself, not that it possibly would. My situation is much different now. I am already living in a city I do love (despite the nagging feeling that I don’t truly belong because I don’t have roots here), I can’t move due to various reasons (or won’t, because of The Big Decision), and I have become a more experienced hiker over the years.

So no, I don’t expect that another trip will transform me; I just WANT to go there. It’s like Call of the Wild. I want to hike the Skyline Loop again. I want to give Sunrise another chance. I want to take a nap on the alpine meadow with blooming wildflowers (and I promise I won’t be unduly disappointed if the best flower season is over). I want to really take the time to explore the park instead of rushing through on a half-day excursion. I want to experience the joy again. I want to take myself out of the drudgery and all the weighty things, and just, BE. On that last trip Mt. Rainier made the best impression of all places, and this is where I will go next week.

It’s renewal, recharge, an almost spiritual pilgrimage. Can’t wait!

This & That: August recap

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It’s been a while! I actually have a lot to write about, but due to the lack of both time and motivation, I just let things pile up. Strangely, they didn’t go away just because I archived them in the deepest recess of the brain; they keep coming back at random hours of the day, nagging me to write them down. OCD rules!

Anyway, where to begin?

Lupine on the Trail

In the first week of August, GH came through my town on his globe-trotting adventure. Yes, Miss McCracken — your Big G! ;-) I totally tried to steer him your way, as in, he should visit you when he goes to the East side. You are welcome. It was fun hanging out. The highlight of that week was a hike on the beautiful Elk Meadow  trail full of blooming lupines that not only looked dreamy, but also smelled heavenly.

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After GH left, I had a conversation with my parents about The Big Decision. The thing about decision-making is that, despite your desire for input from others, you are still utterly alone in being accountable for the decision. You are the one to call it, and to live with the consequences, for better or worse. The truth is, if I REALLY want to do something, nobody can talk me out of (or into) anything else. The reason I had been so indecisive is that my brain and heart were at war. My brain said I should go, while my heart said I should stay. I didn’t know what I really want (still don’t), but I know what I don’t want. After much discussion and reality check, I took the easy (maybe cowardly — who knows?) way out. I don’t know if I was passing up a once-in-a-life-time opportunity because I was held back by fear of the unknown, or if I was being rational and realistic and just avoided a terrible mistake. The end result is that I have made the decision, and I intend to make peace with it whenever the shadow of a doubt creeps up on me. It’s an uneasy decision; I am still not fully convinced. However, no decision is perfect. I will get myself out of the rut that I put myself into for the past year, and make the best of the situation.

Interesting, just by choosing, I am already reclaiming a lot of mental energy I consumed (or that consumed me). I am… (mildly) relieved. In this process I realized something: what’s the worst that can happen? Life goes on; once it occurred to me that I am not even scared of the worst case scenario, I feel little traces of happiness bubbling up.

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Last Sunday I went for a hike with LH, a new friend/sort-of-colleague. We went down to Silver Falls State Park. This is a famous park with the so-called Trail of Ten Falls, a 7-8 mile trail dotted with 10 waterfalls of varying sizes. Due to the dry weather we’ve been having lately, the falls were understandably smaller than they were when I visited the first time around back in early spring 2008. However, this time around, the weather was perfect (got caught in snow last time), the ground was dry, and it was a relaxing and scenic stroll, despite the fact that 2 of the 10 falls were but trickles.

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My dieting is going smoothly. Lost almost 10 pounds so far. Another 20 to go. After streaming Mad Men, I am now trying to get through the first season of Bones (great characters!) before changing my plan to 1 DVD only. Whew~

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